Siobhan Kennedy-Clarke’s classic film reviews
Today I’m gonna be looking at not just one film but a whole load stretching back to before I was born. I don’t know if you’d call it a series because those usually happen on TV but these all feature the same character even though they change the actor now and then like they do in Doctor Who. Same idea really they want someone who suits the time the film’s released.
I’m talking about James Bond of course everybody likes the Bond films but what I didn’t know until recently is that the man who wrote them Ian Fleming was a sort of spy himself and based the character on things he’s done and seen. Lucky bleeder eh all those women.
There was a time when they cut down on the love scenes because some people found them offensive so Timothy Dalton when he did a couple of the films didn’t get half the nookie that Sean Connery got.
The people who objected were mainly women I think but the sort of mouthy cows who don’t like to see people enjoying themselves what’s wrong with a bit of a jump as they call it. Just because you know James Bond’s only going to bonk them once it’s only a film and anyway things have moved on and you don’t want to marry every bloke you have sex with.
You wouldn’t want to stick with him anyway because he’s never at home he’s always out in some foreign country and if he did stay in with you and have a takeaway pizza there’d be bullet holes in the coffee table and blood all over your new settee cos somebody come looking for him.
I know everybody says Sean was the best Bond and Daniel Craig is the best actor of them but I’m quite partial to Roger Moore he was funny he was and never seemed to take it serious. He is also the only one to get mentioned in an Amy Winehouse song so she must of liked him as well. It’s in You Know I’m No Good off Back to Black she goes “by the time I’m out the door you tear men down like Roger Moore”.
If you’d of bumped into him as Bond you’d of had a nice bottle of champagne and a bit of a laugh before it all went tits up just after you did. And the women get killed in Bond films too the writers don’t care so it might of been your last posh dinner and your last shag but at least it was one to remember.
Favourite film I don’t know there all good really but I like Skyfall funny enough because I don’t know there’s plenty of Judi Dench as M and she’s very good plus it’s partly set in Scotland which makes a change from all the exotic locations.
I know that contradicks all I said about the actors I like and the humour and that but you kind of feel you know him a bit better after seeing where he comes from I felt quite romantic and if he’d of tried it on with M I would of been quite happy but I suppose that’s a bit far fetched. Mind you I’ll still be up for it at her age with a bag over me head like. Why not my mum’s still at it and she’s ancient.