Kaycee’s Klasic Films – The Beach

Siobhan Kennedy-Clarke’s classic film reviews
Our fictitious reviewer Siobhan (KayCee) didn't have much of an education but she's passionate about films



Sometimes when you watch a film you can be taken away to where it is and what’s happening in it I suppose that’s the whole point really and that’s what happens for me with this one. It’s set mainly on a Thai island a lot of people seem to like to bum off to Thailand for some reason and live this sort of hippie dream in a shack on the beach while the rest of the world and all their mates and their family are stuck at home in reality. That’s me, stuck in reality always have been always will be I can’t see myself doing anything as crazy as dropping out or whatever I guess I’m comfortable where I am and you can be adventurous in your own little world it’s all in the mind.

But it don’t do no harm to look through the keyhole sometimes and wonder what it would be like to be somewhere in the middle of nowhere where there’s no fried chicken shops and department stores nothing really just you and the sea and Leonardo di Caprio.

That’s what his character does in this one he is in Thailand and he hears about this island where people live this kind of alternative lifestyle like a commune which I always thought meant living on a disused farm in Wales eating eggs from your chickens and drinking milk from your cows and shagging who you like. I suppose that can happen somewhere warm too.

So Leo goes off looking for this island and he’s with a young French couple he’s just met Francoise and Etienne funny how French names sound nice but look horrible isn’t it he fancies Francoise and her boyfriend is so laid back you can see he wouldn’t make too much of a fuss.

They have to swim the last bit to the island well there ain’t going to be a ferry if it’s a secret paradise is there and they find a sort of marijuana farm in the middle which they like the look of until they see guards with machine guns who don’t like strangers. The commune is on one side of the island and although it’s full of people (backpackers) trying to get away from the real world they kind of have their own real world I guess you have to really and you’ve got away from the bosses but there has to be someone in charge. In this case it’s this English woman called Sal. Tilda Swinton this is she’s a serious actress who always plays strong parts you’ll never find her playing a soppy girlfriend. She’s sexy in a bossy way and she’s got a boyfriend but when they need some important supplies from the mainland she is going but she wants to take a guy with her. Her boyfriend stays there I guess he’s keeping an eye on things and she chooses Leo whose been knocking the French girl off. There’s been shark attacks and things and already you feel it’s not the way dreams should be.

T for trouble – Tilda Swinton’s the boss

Sal’s boyfriend threatens Leo and tells him to keep his hands off Sal while they’re away but without telling him she books a double room and he more or less has to sleep with her well I don’t suppose a guy would mind really she’s good looking and sexy in a bossy way and some men might like that.

So that’s the sexy interlude and then they’re back on the island and it’s supposed to be a secret but Leo told a few people before he came and gave them a map which he denied when Sal asked him. Some new people turn up and he gets the blame and has to go and act as a lookout up on the cliff somewhere on his own and he goes a bit loopy and then it all gets weird and the nice feeling is gone and at that point I kind of lose interest.

At the end Leo does a voiceover where he says paradise isn’t a place it’s something you feel when you’re part of something that’s what I said before about how you can be adventurous without throwing it all away and buggering off somewhere exotic. I can be in the pub with a few people and then go home with some guy who seems nice and for few hours it’s kind of paradise but it never lasts not for nobody I reckon.





Kaycee’s Klasic Films – Blue Velvet

Siobhan Kennedy-Clarke’s classic film reviews
Our fictitious reviewer Siobhan (KayCee) didn't have much of an education but she's passionate about films

blue velvet

More people know Twin Peaks than Blue Velvet even though TPs is just a TV series and BV is a film same director David Lynch I guess it shows how important television has become because you can watch anything you want to at home. I thought Twin Peaks was brilliant for the first ten episodes or so and then it got silly because they were trying to string it out I suppose it was so popular they could keep it on the air as long as they didn’t solve the mystery.

Blue Velvet stars Kyle McLachlan too only if you watch this you’re not going to be seeing the women from the TV show because their not in it. Who is in it is Isabella Rossellini as a nightclub singer Kyle thinks is involved in a kidnapping it’s not her fault though its her husband and son have been kidnapped and its Dennis Hopper this weird pervert whose done it. Kyle found an ear in a field in this American hick town where all they do is cut down trees and he takes the ear to this cop he knows and the cop’s daughter is like a friend of his Laura Dern tall skinny blonde with a funny mouth if you ask me but no ones perfect are we even actresses?

Kyle decides to investigate it himself and goes to Isabella’s apartment disguised as a pest control guy and nicks a key and goes back and hides in the closet wardrobe we call it but its American. Of course the woman finds him and wants to know whats going on and they get to no each other and she wants him to shag her kinky like and hit her and things but he don’t he’s kind of in love with the Laura blonde and she likes him too but she’s got a boyfriend.

Complicated plot really even if there’s not much of it and I won’t tell you the outcum but it’s got a good atmosphere you know in Twin Peaks there was the haunting theme tune well in this one it’s all old early 60s stuff like Roy Orbison and the title song Blue Velvet everything is sort of echoey and a bit spooky so it suits the film or maybe it’s the music that makes the film spooky one or the other. Atmospheric anyway I wouldn’t of minded being a teenager in them days the girls were all sexy in long loose skirts and the guys were dripping with hair cream must of made a mess of your clothes but no one ever mentions that.

So Blue Velvet is a good one to watch with this new guy I’ve got he’s ever so sweet and he’s got nice roaming hands so I put on some old 60s clothes I found in a charity shop and I sit there and pretend I’m the innocent blonde girl or the dirty singer depends what mood I’m in when he starts roaming I just feel naughty and innocent at the same time. It’s the film does that to me the power of cinema see.