Siobhan Kennedy-Clarke’s classic film reviews
Our fictitious reviewer Siobhan (KayCee) didn't have much of an education but she's passionate about films
This one from 1985 wasn’t a big hit but it’s good fun and features young Alfred Molina and Peter Firth who both went on to great things as they say became famous and respected that means. It’s set in Liverpool and at that time the whole UK was in a bad way and the north west was no different. So there was enough doom and gloom around and a little romantic comedy was just what we needed I guess that’s why it stayed with me cos it cheered me up a bit yes even happy go lucky me needs a pick me up sometimes if you no what I mean.
The girls in this certainly did they worked in a chicken processing factory stuffing the giblet bags into cavorties and stuff which can’t be much fun at the best of times. So you get two factory girls Teresa and Elaine (Margi Clarke and Alexandra Pigg) who both didn’t go on to greater things I never seen them in anything else but they do the job here.
Teresa is a tall mouthy blonde and Elaine is small and quiet. Anyway a Russian ship comes in (Liverpool is like a port) and our girls meet two sailors Sergei and Peter (that’s Alfred and Peter) in a nightclub and one thing leads to another very quickly and they end up in a hotel room. Teresa just wants sex because I guess she’s had every bloke in the city but Elaine is romantic they only got a few hours before the boys sail again so Teresa and Sergei get stuck in (litrely) but the other two just talk and fall in love which can happen that fast your just not sure until later that its real.
With all the doinking that goes on you’d think Teresa would be the sex symbol but my mate Chris reckons the most exciting part is seeing the hair in Alexandra Pigg’s armpit you no girls you wouldn’t be seen dead like that but theres blokes who like it it takes all salts.
And then the boys are gone and the girls come down to earth with a bump well Elaine does it meant something to her and she and Peter write to each other and she wants to go to Russia and marry him so she writes to President Brezhnev the podgy guy with thick eyebrows you know the one.
The British Foreign Office gets involved because Elaine is so determined and at the time Russia was a country it was hard to get into and when you were there they wouldn’t let you out something like that anyway I think its like North Korea is now real dodgy. And they tell her that Peter’s married but she don’t believe it. Nor does Teresa she says “I’ve had the knickers dragged off me by enough married men that I know one when I see one and Peter ain’t married.”
I mean imagine falling for someone in that situation its complicated enough when it’s the guy round the corner without politics and stuff getting in the way.
There’s a lot of bad language but its all in Liverpool accents so it don’t sound so bad they say fooken but they say the k like the ch in Loch Ness I didn’t think of that myself like but I heard someone say it and its true.
Its quite funny and theres romantic bits and very sad bits and some very 80s music Hit That Perfect Beat and stuff to remind you when its set. I don’t know if Alfred and Peter think of it fondly as a stepping stone it ain’t exactly Shakespeare I guess though I never seen any of his films so I can’t really say.