A woman’s brain is in her hips

Fern Britton. There’s brains in them there hills

This blog is all in favour of the fuller-figured woman. While that is not to dismiss the undoubted attractiveness of some with little upholstery on their frame, those waif-like creatures have had it all their own way for long enough and need no support from us.

The last golden age for the larger lady was a long time ago – the 16th century, in fact, when the painter Peter Paul Rubens was the artist of the day, regaling the world with his pictures of buxom wenches. He was interested in other things too, of course: he did palaces and saints and all sorts, but if there was going to be a woman in them, she was going to be fleshy.

Does my bum look big in this?

And not just nicely rounded: Rubens painted cellulite before it even had a name. And his women were starkly, never-seen-the-sun white, too, which means they didn’t benefit from the softening effect of darker skin tones.

This train of thought arises not just by chance, but by coming across findings suggesting that intelligence is directly related to body shape and that curvy women are likely to be brighter than their slimmer sisters and may produce more intelligent children.

So there you have it, ladies, you’re not just a lavish helping of succulent flesh, you’re also cleverer than you thought. It may not be as simple as saying your brains are in your boobs, not to mention your buttocks, but it’s something along those lines.

Researchers in the US surveyed 16,000 women and girls and found the more voluptuous ones performed better in cognitive tests.

Cognitive. No, I wasn’t sure either, so I looked it up and found it was to do with cognition. So I looked that up too and found it meant ‘The mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience, and the senses’. Which means… it’s about figuring things out for yourself.

No stick insect: Serena Williams

One theory is that it is all to do with the fatty tissue found on hips, which is likely to contain omega 3, and you know how highly regarded that is. So, gentlemen, if you want to give your brain a boost, ward off Alzheimers etc, , you don’t have to get pills from the pharmacy or eat truckloads of oily fish. Just chew on your lady’s generous parts.

“Men respond to the double enticement of both an intelligent partner and an intelligent child,” the researchers at the Universities of Pittsburgh and California said.

See? It’s not ignorant, animal lust, as has been portrayed for so many years. It’s your brains we’re interested in.

There is, as usual, a catch. Apparently, if this theory is to be believed at all, it has to be made more specific. It’s all a matter of the waist-to-hip ratio. So just having a rump like two footballs is not a guarantee of Einstein-like IQ. You have to have a comparatively small waist.

Well, that can be faked to a certain extent. Women in the 18th and 19th centuries wore corsets to achieve the very shape we’re talking about, although what they wanted their lower moons to resemble was probably small melons, rather than footballs.

black woman
Madam, you have just been promoted to gorgeous

A new acronym is called for. BBBW: big beautiful brainy woman.

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